The Notable Nanny

A Child's Bill of Rights

I have a right to live rather than exist.

I have a right to personhood rather than being an object of possession.

I have a right to equality with every other human being regardless of age.

I have a right to be respected with regard to my own worth.

I have a right to be uniquely myself with my own identity.

I have a right to speak my thoughts and feelings, and to be heard.

I have a right to ask "why" and to receive answers.

I have a right to receive discipline without hollering, discounts and putdowns.

I have a right to be encouraged to grow to maturity at my own pace.

I have a right to be free from physical harm at the hands of resentful people.

I have a right to be loved for being me.

I have a right, with valid guidance, to think for myself, and make decisions.

I have a right to be responsible for myself.

I have a right to feel joy, happiness, sorrow, bereavement and pain.

I have a right to be a winner.

I have a right to care and be cared for, to nurture and be nurtured, to give and to receive.

I have a right to form my own convictions, beliefs and standards.

I have a right to know and experience personal freedom.

I have a right to my own body, mind and soul, and to use them in a sharing experience.

I have a right to recognize and accept the rights of others regarding their Bill of Rights.

(c)1975 Fred M. Fariss

Every charge I've ever had, has been born with the amazing ability to CRUSH their parents feelings like a bug, when they try to leave for work in the morning. The sought-after Hollywood trait of crying on cue seems to come readily to babies and toddlers.

A typical morning scenario goes something like this.

Everyone is happy in the kitchen but when they round the corner to the doorway that leads to the car things go from normal to neurotic WAHHHHHH!!!!

Rule number

1. THOU SHALT NOT LEAVE WITHOUT ME. EVER!!!!

Toddler commandment number 1 appears to be perilously close to being broken so a courtesy whine is usually given as a warning.   When the courtesy whine is ignored or contemplated but not listened to, the mini arms reach out, whilst the courtesy whine escalates to a full blown cry.

This happens in regards to toddler rule number

2. THOU SHALT ALWAYS PICK ME UP IMMEADIATELY WHEN YOU ARE REACHED FOR.

The parents at this time usually do one of two things.

Reaction one.  Run quickly shouting frantic goodbyes as they flee into the garage, into the car, down the driveway, and out of sight without looking back...this is what I've affectionately dubbed the "BAND-AID" approach.

The second way is slightly more common, The parent attempts to negotiate/reason/bribe or sooth the toddler. As a professional nanny I know that it truly takes skill to negotiate with toddlers, their motto is NO NEGOTIATIONS NOT NO WAY NOT NO HOW! Therefore I call this the "LATE" approach.

Recently I've witnessed a new approach this third approach is that the parent runs though the garage passes out to the front door and either begins to wave through the window or rings the doorbell.  At first this may appear to be an extension of the "Late" approach however it is definitely a different approach. this "outsider" seems to catch the toddler off guard and sooth them I suppose they may think a replacement parent has arrived...One who plays through the window and always leaves after a few minutes. (I suppose the toddler thinks its okay for this parent to leave because that's what this "fake" parent always does.) At any rate it seems to be that if the parent allows for the extra time and acts strangely enough the child is in effect fooled by the ruse and allows the "outsider" to leave with a wave and a smile by the time the toddler realizes the actual parent has left they are otherwise occupied. I dubbed this trick the "OUTSIDER" approach.   Futhermore  I would say that this new "outsider" technique is the most effective way to leave a toddler, But it must be applied steadily for best reaction.

I was working some overtime with my female boss. We were shopping at Sams Club Warehouse for her family which consisted of Twin 4yr olds (F), a 3 yr old (M) and a newborn (F). We weaved up and down the isles gathering necessities. The 3yr alone accompanied us on this outing sitting in the gigantic blue cart he announced each product as we passed it recognizing them chiefly by their pictures. We rounded on the diaper Isle his eyes lit up. "Look Momma" he said excitedly "BABY"  he then pointed to the huggie clad infant on the box as proof. Yes his mother said soothingly "BABY" smart boy. She patted his head and reached for the infant sized diapers as she lifted the box toward the cart. Her normally mild mannered 3yr old started hollering. ?NOOO MOMMA!?, Then as she halted forward motion he grew quieter and took on a more instructive tone ?No, no Momma!? she hesitated looking puzzled. ? What?s wrong?? she implored. Pointing again at the diaper box , he grew strict No more babies! ..........

..LOL All this time I thought the stork brought babies. I should have known They come in a box at Sams Club It seems ??? you can get anything there.

I'm always on the look out for things that concern the nanny field so naturally almost any study, article, book, or news story about children peaks my interest. I was reading NEWSWEEK this week when I noticed a disturbing tidbit in the dignity meter section. According to the blurb I read there is an Iphone application a downloadable game called Baby Shaker. Knowing Apple you would assume you'd be downloading a rattle or baby dancing or some other wholesome application of an amusing benign nature. I was horrified to read that this ap was a "shake the baby" game. I was even more upset when on further investigation I uncovered the rules...The objective is to endure a baby crying as long as you can. When you can no longer take the realistic infant sound emitted by your phone you shake your phone hard to "kill" the baby. Apple pulled the ap from its Itunes store after receiving a huge outcry over its existence. Who would make this game? Furthermore who would play it?

During our evening meal my female boss tasted the "fresh mozzarella" she had just bought earlier in the week.  Making a disgusted face then a worried one, she “Honey” she said,  “I don't think this cheese is good.  What do you think?” she pushed the cheese plate toward her husband.  He took a rather large "test" taste and agreed you're right, its not good.... but its not bad he added hastily.

My 9 month old charge had discovered the joy of music, the beat just moved her, literally!  For example, she would be playing on her mat with several toys when a car playing loud music would drive by the window, she would instantly have no choice but to throw her tiny hands in the air and wave them around, all the while bouncing on her bum.  This phenonenon repeated itself with television commercial music, cellphone rings, live singing, and of course the radio.  One morning the garbage trunk was outside whilst she was napping, it was menecingly loud .  I didn't hear a peep on the monitor but  I decided to check in on her.  I found her "dancing" to the sounds of loud garbage in the morning.   I watched for a few minutes straining to hear any faint musical notes caused perhaps by the many musical toys she owned but there were no melodic tones just garbage cans clanging in the distance.  I tip toed into the room she continued dancing until she spied me. Upon seeing me near the end of the crib she abrubtly stopped dancing and started to smile.  "Just wait until your mother hears about the garbage your listening to." I said as I pulled her out of the crib.  She smiled again as if she understood my little joke but since the garbage truck  could still be heard faintly in the distance she began dancing again.

My 4 yr old charge had broken her collar bone and had to go to her catholic preschool in a sling. When I picked her up I was asking the teacher how she managed with one hand. The teacher stiffling a giggle said "oh she was remarkably well adapted but when we said our snack blessing she raised her hand in tears and stated that she was sorry but she could only pray with one hand." Grinning I looked at my charge who'd been watching the recount with uncertainty & I casually told her that it would be fine and that God would listen with both ears even if she only used one hand.

      When I started one of my jobs, I was informed of the need my male boss had for comprehensive cleanliness. I try to be exceptionally mindful of any rules/vices that may ease my new bosses into our cohabitation.  I became acutely aware of his specific preferences and increasingly more comfortable with the small qwerks as the first few weeks commenced. 

      My charge was being baptized, the family was hosting out of town guests.   At a small informal breakfast one of the guests began dropping tiny crumbs.   I noticed my bosses eyes widen, he hovered near the offending crumber.  Certainly not wanting to be rude but clearly distressed over the the dirty condition of his floor , he waited for the guest to arise assuming he was alone, I saw him gleefully go into the utility closet  pulling out the biggest handivac I've ever seen (a DYSON) turning around he spied me but continued toward the crumbs just before he leaned down to clean the area he stood holding the vac with one hand pointed toward the ceiling, his feet parted like a comic book hero. With the apparent excitement of a child at christmas he said ...."WHO YOU GONNA CALL? ...DUSTBUSTER!!!"